35 weeks into my second pregnancy today and my mind is still all mush. Our bags are packed, documents almost complete, but the baby's crib and other stuff haven't been set up. But more than the logistics, I'm having mixed feelings about being a 'new' mom again. So allow me to indulge you with my thoughts.
I'm excited to meet our new baby and see how different she will be from her big sister, but then I'm afraid that I might make the mistake of comparing my experience with our second child to our firstborn. I'm happy that Zia will have a sister since she seems excited, but I'm also scared to have my time divided between 2 wonderful little girls. So yes, my mind is filled with contradictions now, but I'm praying that just like other super moms who have more than 1 kid, I'll be able to wing this.
I read an article stating a study that the happiest households are the ones with 2 children that are girls -- I sure hope that's true. I'm just so afraid I won't be able to give the same amount of love to both my daughters consistently. I'm rambling, I know. That's how unsure I am on how things will turn out. But as preparation, I've already asked the husband to promise to pay attention to our darling firstborn during the first few months of our 2nd daughter and make sure she won't feel in any way neglected.
To my dear Zia, my greatest blessing and our firstborn, I want you to know that my love for you is unconditional and each and everyday my heart is bursting with love for you. You'll be a big sister real soon and I want you to know that mommy will try her very best to be there for you, but there might be times I'll have to tend to your little sister first. But please know that it doesn't mean I love you less.
To my Rio, our second child, we can't wait to meet you and we hope and pray that you will feel very much loved and taken cared of the moment you arrive. I promise that you won't ever feel any less loved and favored ever.
So here's a prayer to the heavens that my husband and I will be given the grace to give equal love and care to both of our daughters all the days of their lives.
To the moms of two kids and more, you are my inspirations and judging from the smiles I see when I google family of 4 with 2 girls, I am comforted by the fact that I am blessed enough to have the same happiness having 2 daughters could bring.