Wednesday, September 24, 2014

[zei the MOM] On faith and trusting the universe

Today, more than ever, I realized how much faithfulness and trusting the universe is needed in parenthood.
You see, it's Zia's first ever field trip today and before this day came, my mind was a pool of paranoia. All the possible what ifs crossed my mind and convinced me even more to maybe just let her skip the field trip and just have her stay home. But then I thought, if I don't learn to somehow let go, and let loose a little, I might rob my little girl of valuable and fun learning experiences.
So with much apprehension but still in true girl scout mommy form, I prepared her stuff. 3 shirts for changing, 1 pair of leggings, 5 muslin cloths for her back, her mosquito repellent bracelet, her favorite toy car, a small rosary, and more. I made lots of 'bilins' to ate and the husband - please don't keep your eyes off her, check her back, don't forget to put her anti-mosquito bracelet, etc.
After the long process, I had to leave for work. So all that I had left to do was to say a little prayer to the heavens to keep my little girl (and her dad and nanny and the whole field trip group) safe and happy. Every hour I asked for updates whether she's happy, if she's eaten or if she has changed into a fresh shirt. Yup, as annoying as it may seem, it's a true story.
To cut the long story short, I'm now writing this with my sleeping daughter beside me. I bet she's really exhausted from all the fun activities she did today. Looking at the photos and her smiles while doing different things like feeding the guinea pigs, fishing, horse back riding, etc, was enough for me to validate that the decision to let her join the field trip was definitely the right one.
Now that she's safely home with me, I've reconciled with the idea that I just have to trust the universe and I just have to have faith that the Lord will keep my little girl in his warm and safe embrace whenever and wherever she is. And if ever she meets little mishaps here and there, I should accept that it's part of normal life and it will make her stronger and it will build her character. And lastly, I am now at peace with the idea that my role as her mom is not to keep her to myself, but to encourage her to learn and discover new things and experience all the nice things life has in store for her.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

[zei the Charmed One] Has it really been 4 years?

I'm writing this 2 days early since I'm maximizing all my awake hours from this pregnancy-related insomnia. Most of my posts are about being a mom, but first and foremost, I am a wife. And on the 25th, I will be for 4 years to be exact. So this post is dedicated to my main man, my husband of 4 years. :)
First, I want to say THANK YOU, for the wonderful 4 years. I know it hasn't been free of the hiccups here and there, but including all those, it's really been wonderful. I love our life, you, me, zia and our coming baby girl rio; and I have you to thank for that. Thank you for the patience, for adoring zia, for taking care of our family and for simply being you.
Second, I want to say SORRY. I'm sorry for the times I've been more mommy to zia than wife to you, I think it comes with having young children talaga. I promise I'll make it up to you when our two girls are above 5. Haha. Kidding. Will try my best to be conscious of it and make sure you'll still feel very much prioritized. I'm sorry for the times we argue, but do know in my heart of hearts that even when we argue, I will forever trust, love and respect you.
Lastly, I want to say I LOVE YOU. Yup, no explanation needed. Just I LOVE YOU.
Happy 4th anniversary love! 4 years has gone by so fast, we've built a beautiful home and we're soon gonna be a family of four. We are beyond blessed! Looking forward to next 50 or so years with you and our girls. <3 p="">

Friday, September 19, 2014

[zei the MOM] Thoughts on being a mom of 2 girls

35 weeks into my second pregnancy today and my mind is still all mush. Our bags are packed, documents almost complete, but the baby's crib and other stuff haven't been set up. But more than the logistics, I'm having mixed feelings about being a 'new' mom again. So allow me to indulge you with my thoughts.
I'm excited to meet our new baby and see how different she will be from her big sister, but then I'm afraid that I might make the mistake of comparing my experience with our second child to our firstborn. I'm happy that Zia will have a sister since she seems excited, but I'm also scared to have my time divided between 2 wonderful little girls. So yes, my mind is filled with contradictions now, but I'm praying that just like other super moms who have more than 1 kid, I'll be able to wing this.
I read an article stating a study that the happiest households are the ones with 2 children that are girls -- I sure hope that's true. I'm just so afraid I won't be able to give the same amount of love to both my daughters consistently. I'm rambling, I know. That's how unsure I am on how things will turn out. But as preparation, I've already asked the husband to promise to pay attention to our darling firstborn during the first few months of our 2nd daughter and make sure she won't feel in any way neglected.
To my dear Zia, my greatest blessing and our firstborn, I want you to know that my love for you is unconditional and each and everyday my heart is bursting with love for you. You'll be a big sister real soon and I want you to know that mommy will try her very best to be there for you, but there might be times I'll have to tend to your little sister first. But please know that it doesn't mean I love you less.
To my Rio, our second child, we can't wait to meet you and we hope and pray that you will feel very much loved and taken cared of the moment you arrive. I promise that you won't ever feel any less loved and favored ever.
So here's a prayer to the heavens that my husband and I will be given the grace to give equal love and care to both of our daughters all the days of their lives.
To the moms of two kids and more, you are my inspirations and judging from the smiles I see when I google family of 4 with 2 girls, I am comforted by the fact that I am blessed enough to have the same happiness having 2 daughters could bring.